Funny Kids

David After the Dentist – A seven-year-old experiencing the residual effects of a recent morphine trip.

Chubby Cuppy Cake Boy – Jimmy Kimmel wants to squeeze this kid’s cheeks.  That’s kinda creepy to me but you should still show the video to your girlfriend.

 

That’s all for now

-R.

When the Unqualified are Qualified

Walking by a pet shop on his way to school, a young boy stopped and stared through the window.  Inside were four black puppies playing together.  After school he ran home and pleaded with his mother to let him have one of the puppies.  "I'll take care of it, Mom, I will.  If you can just give me an advance on my allowance, I'll have enough money to buy one with my own money.  Please, Mom, please."

The mother, knowing full well the complications having a new puppy would bring to a busy household, could not resist her son.  "Okay, you can get the puppy, but I will expect you to take care of it."

"Yes, Mom, I will."  Filled with excitement, the little boy ran to the pet shop to buy his new puppy.

After determining that the boy had enough money, the pet shop owner brought him to the window to choose his puppy.  After a few minutes, the young boy said, "Um...I'll take the little one in the corner."

"Oh no," said the shop owner, "not that one; he's crippled.  Notice how he just sits there; something is wrong with one of his legs, so he can't run and play like the rest of the puppies.  Choose another one."

Without saying a word, the boy reached down and lifted his pant leg to expose a chrome leg brace to the owner.

"No," he said firmly, "I want the puppy in the corner."*

It turns out that  what disqualified the puppy from being chosen by others is what most qualified him to be chosen by the little boy.  It's amazing how few of us believe in the unqualified grace of God.  Oh, yes, God loves us, as long as we're clean and whole and fixed and perfect.  But it turns out that what disqualifies you and me from "churchianity" - the mess of our lives and our crippledness - is what most qualifies us to be chosen by Jesus.

"When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: 'Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?'  On hearing this, Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.' "

Mark 2:16-17

 

Selah.

*Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts On Faith (New York: Pantheon, 1999), 49-50.

And the survey says...

My dad knows entirely too much about everything. I texted him today to tell him a joke, and what I ended up getting was a history lesson on the Greek origins of the word 'hermaphrodite' - which actually turned out to be quite interesting. Still, I think that if he got amnesia, he'd still know more than the average person.

Anyway.

I've been spending a significant amount of time in meditation for the past few months. Meditation on God, on life, on myself, on the 'big picture' and how we're all woven together. I've been teaching guitar on Saturday mornings from 10am to 6pm, sitting in a metal folding chair the whole time. It's taken its toll on my back, so last night I found myself soaking in a hot bath.

Man, talk about peace. Picture this: you're lying on your back with your eyes closed in a tub of warm water - it's just shallow enough for your eyes, nose and mouth to be above water, but deep enough for your ears to be submerged. All you hear is your heart beat and the occasional drip from the faucet. You inhale as deeply as you can, and listen to the air flow through your chest as you exhale. You continue to breathe deeply until it becomes as steady a rythm as your heart.

The drip is gone, and you no longer feel where the water ends and the air begins. If you listen closely, you'll be able to hear the blood running through your veins, and actually feel your heart beating in your chest. You become extremely aware of the slightest movements and sounds.

Now, you wait. You don't think, you don't ponder, you don't imagine. You wait. And you listen.

Try it and let me know what happens. It's the most peaceful thing I've done in a loooong time. The cool thing is, when I sat up, I could still hear and feel my heart. I was still alert to every drop of water that fell from my body. Now, a day later, I'm still more aware of my physical surroundings - I can hear the whizzing of the fan in my PC, the buzzing of my computer monitor, the ticking of the second hand on the wall clock, the heater blowing, even the wind shuffling the trees outside. I can feel the slightest changes in temperature, and even as I type this I feel all the muscles and tendons in my forearms and hands working.

These are all things I've always heard and felt, but I've just never paid attention to, so my brain dismissed it as silence. What else am I experiencing that I'm not paying attention to? What am I missing that I could be learning from if I would just de-clutter my mind and listen?

And now, for the inconsequential.

Recommended listening:
.....- On The Radio by Regina Spektor. It's got a unique feel.
.....- That's Why They Call It Rome by Holly Palmer. It's just a great song.

Recommended viewing:
.....- If I by Demitri Martin. He's got quite a tale to tell. You can YouTube it, it's in like 6 parts.
.....- Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. Just watch it. All of it. It's just a funny throw-away mini.

-R.

All your base are belong to us.

You know what? My line theory is stupid. It doesn't even make sense. I just thought of a few clever ways to use the word 'line.' The world is so much bigger than that theory. What the crap? I need a new theory.

I'm putting together a list of all the major life lessons I'm learning, both from my personal experience and from the experiences of others. I'm finding that several of these principles begin to overlap after you reach a certain point in your journey. They hit you in waves and seem isolated at the time, but there are some definite overarching themes to be acknowledged here.

LIFE:
Life is a series of moments. Make an effort to remember the ones that count.

There are two meanings for the word "good:" Good/Evil, and Good/Bad.
- In the case of Good vs. Bad, it is simply a measurement of where something lies on the curve of worst to best. In this context, "good" can be replaced with "better" and "bad" with "worse."
- In the case of Good vs. Evil, each is the description of a specific moral or ethical inclination. There is no spectrum; it is black and white.

Justice is not the same as fairness: Fairness deals with "evenness" and equality, whereas justice deals with right and wrong.

PEOPLE:
You can't change a person, you can only change the way you relate to that person, and what you expect from them.

A person's actions are always driven by his/her desires; there are two types of desire: positive (I want this to happen) and negative (I want that to not happen).

By nature, a person's pride is one of the most important things to them. Because of this, we also hold dear a set of particular aspects of our identity, such as our name, reputation and appearance.

Consider the people who give you these four things: Identity, Protection, Accountability and Unconditional Love. These people are your true family, regardless of blood lines.

GROWTH / LEARNING:
True growth hurts: physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, sociologically, and every other '-ally' word you can think of.

Almost all true learning requires un-learning first.

To learn, one must first be teachable; true teachability is found among the humble and the broken.


This is what I have so far. If any of you have something else to add, I'd love to hear it, study it, and add it.

-R.

My Mix Can Still Beat Up Your Mix.

gravity - intercept

safer times - new atlantic

slipping under - william tell

restless - needtobreathe

car crash - matt nathanson

...and I'll top it off with a quote I read today that I found quite interesting:

"When the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail."

Abraham Maslow

-R.

The Future...

IN THE NEAR FUTURE...

...I plan to put together a collection of paintings to either sell to friends and family and co-workers and co-churchers(?), or to open a gallery show and try to sell to the general public.  Then I will open a separate checking account in which all my painting proceeds will be deposited, and from which all my painting supplies will be purchased.  In theory, the goal would be for the average monthly balance of this account to gradually rise.

...I plan to finish reading one the many books I'm in the middle of - probably either Husbandry by Stephen Fried, or The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Calibourne.

IN THE NOT QUITE AS NEAR FUTURE...

...I plan on buying an Amazon Kindle and using it every night before bed.

...I plan on buying my wife a puppy and a kitten, as close in age and size as possible, so that they will be friends from the get-go.

...I plan on having a $1000 emergency fund for...well, emergencies.

...I plan on either upgrading or replacing my desktop computer, and purchasing a 36-40 inch HDTV.

...I plan on completing the degree I'm working on and starting art school.

IN THE KIND-OF DISTANT FUTURE...

...I plan on purchasing a second vehicle - preferably a car with 35-40 mpg, to use for everything but taking me to work and back, which is like 2 miles from our apartment.

...I plan on building a $40,000 fund for putting a downpayment on a house.

...I plan on becoming a locally known painter.

...I plan on finishing all the books I'm reading through right now, and start reading some kind of biographical book about someone who did something great (Chuck Schwab, Ben Franklin, etc.).

...I plan on completing a degree in graphic design and maybe either painting or traditional animation/illustration.

IN THE DISTANT FUTURE...

...I plan on makin' babies.

...I plan on working (either for a company or freelance) as a graphic designer and working up a portfolio to take to disney to be a traditional (hand-drawn) animator.

...I plan on becoming a fairly well-known name in the painting world, equipped with my own personal studio.

...I plan on paying off one or both of our cars.

...I plan on buying a house.

SOMEWHERE IN THE FUTURE...

...God plans for me and my family to become full-time missionaries in Kenya, Africa, leaving all our possessions behind and committing 100% of our lives and energy to the work of the Lord God Almighty.

When there's nothing that we can't afford to sacrifice,

There's no way they can put out our fire.

.

.

.

"Belle" of the ball?

just finished a new painting.  Like my hands are still covered in paint.  Check it out.

When I paint, I mentally compartmentalize the entire picture, so that I only ever worry about the stroke I'm making at the moment.  The problem with this lack of "big picture" approach is that I really have no preconception as to what the end product will actually look like.  This painting is the perfect example: the way the colors turned out, I took a step back to look at the completed project, and realized that she is Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Regardless, I'm pretty happy with it, except for the fact that my signature looks like it was done by an 8-year-old.  I've gotta work on that...

the end.

-R.

Uuuupdate?

Okay, okay okay I know I updated like a day ago but great things have happened. Great things indeed. First off, some randomness.

I look at a lot of files at work - it's what I do. And on these files are the names of various clients. Most of the time it's something like "John Perkins" or something else equally normal. But every once in a while I'll come across names that entertain me more than a big scary monster willow spontaneously humping ferrets on tree-huggers appreciation day. Names like Mercole Stufflebean, Warren Pece, Guy P Greene, and Billy Button to name a few. I love my job.

Speaking of my job, I have more updates. Working with my hands and building things is therapudic for me, and I've been in need of some therapudicness the past couple days. Soooo even though my bonsai tree just evolved into an AWESOME Optimus clone, it underwent yet another metamorphosis, but this time it's more like a growth spurt. Check it out.

Sha-pow! He's like 18 inches tall and completely made out of mail clips. And a cut out piece of post-it note that I colored on. Check out his face. Again.

Oh, and my staple stack wouldn't stand up straight so after fighting it for like 5 minutes I threw it away and started over. But I'm playing it smart this time. I've got a mold that I'm pouring the staples into, and when it's full I'll slide up to reveal my perfect staple stack. And by 'mold' I mean toilet paper tube. It's kind of like a game...which is why I also gave it a back board. Observate.

I know, you wish your workspace was as awesome as mine. It can be, tiny grasshopper, with a little post-its, markers, and imagination...and mail clips and staples and toiler paper tubes and highlighters and a sharpie and some tape and some paper clips and a notepad and a loooooot of free time.

Okay so I got so caught up in talking about my crazy work stuff that I forgot what this post was going to be about. I guess I'll post again later. Like sooner later, not later later.

-R.

Another Update. Hey, that's what blogs are for, right?

My staple stack has grown a bit...

And my mail clip bonsai tree has evolved into a...transformer.

Say hello to my own personal mini Optimus Prime.  Kind of.  Check out his face.

Hah.  I know, it's pretty frikkin' awesome.

Well, work is good but school is kicking my butt.  I guess it's a good thing though, because I've been needing to get my butt kicked recently.  Imagine you're put in an empty room and told "There is a problem in this room.  Solve it."  Well that was me last night.  The room was my life, and the problem was there.  The only thing is, you can't fix it if you don't know what it is.  I can solve problems, but figuring out what the problem is?  That's like giving me a blank canvas and saying "Paint a picture of it" without telling me what it is.

But, after several hours of self-reflection and talking to the mirror, I figured out what the problem is.  All it will take to fix it is time, sacrifice, a constant battle between my flesh and the Holy Spirit inside me, and more time.  But at least I know what the problem is.  And it's good to know my wife is on my team fighting with me and for me.

This is all for now.  I just wanted to chronicle this transitional stage because it may very well play an enormous part in shaping the next few chapters of my life.

-R.

oh, what peace we often forefit

oh what needless pain we bear

all because we do not carry

everything to God in prayer

New Game! Play it.

AHHHH update update update. okay. mmmmmm. ok, I've got it.

My wife and I went to California on our honeymoon, which means Disneyland, the beach, and stupid high gas prices. Whilst at the beach, I invented a sport called wave-punching, where you...well, run up to a wave and punch it. It didn't quite pick up.

Well, I have a new...thing. I'm not calling it a sport, as it requires zero athleticism. To keep with the trend of giving my games ridiculously obvious names, this new one's called staple-stacking.

Yeah. I wasn't kidding. The rules are: 1) they must be used staples - no pumpin' out the staples just to put them in the stack. It's kind of like the unspoken rubber band ball rule where you can't just buy a bag and ball 'em up. 2) no magnets. Nothing can be keeping the staples together but more staples. And gravity. It kind of has a barrel-o-monkeys effect. 3) an awesomely decorated post-it as a base is not a must, but it does add super awesome bonus points. And it could be the difference between your stack looking like a piece of art, and it looking like an upright metallic turd. Here's a better shot with the base:

I have too much free time at work. Well, actually I have two 15-minute breaks every day where I spend 5 minutes breaking and 10 minutes leaving my mark on my desk. How so? Oh, little things, like drawing comic book characters on sticky notes and putting them on my monitor...

...or making bonsai trees out of mail clips...

...or my personal favorite, doodling pictures of dogs barking in japanese at various objects.

Or maybe he's guarding my files that are labeled bilingually...?

Yes. I got snap happy. At work. But I guess it's just because there are so many interesting things to look at on my desk. What's that you say? Super Mario Galaxy is calling out to me and begging me to play it? Well in that case, I must oblige. Farewell my friends, until next time: may your hands never fall prey to idleness, and may your labor produce good fruit.

-R