The Posture of Servitude

I took what I said in my last post and turned it into a creed.  It's not the culmination of everything I believe; it's not a mission statement.  It's somewhere between an oath and a motto.  It's something I can recite to myself when I'm faced with a challenge, need to make a decision, or just need a reminder of what I stand for.

I've named it the Humble Servant's Creed:

I will never quit, I will never give up.
I will finish what I start, and only start what I can finish.
I will meditate on the Lord and cherish His blessings.
In the pursuit of wisdom, I will speak less and listen more.
I will remember that being able to fall is more powerful than being able to fight.
And when I do fall, I will fall forward, and pause on my knees
To pray before I rise again.


I'm conceptualizing a tattoo that will represent this.  The idea is that of a man kneeling on one knee, head bowed and arms spread: the posture of servitude.  In one hand, he holds a hammer to symbolize a solid work ethic, and in the other, a rope to signify the bonds of friendship and love.  Above him is a cross to show that God reigns in his life.  Behind him, a compass to guide him in the right direction.

Here's a mock-up.

I drew it at work in a hurry, and it needs refining, but that's the general idea.  I don't know if I want to make it look more realistic or more symbolic, but right now it's kind of DaVinci-esque.  Either way, it's definitely going on one of my forearms.  Or my chest maybe.

That's all for now.

UPDATE

Got the tat.

Artist: Jay Joree 

Location: Last Angels Tattoos - Henderson

Quite the To-Do list

I downloaded an app called Project365.  It looks like this.

Well, that's what I've got so far.  I won't insult your intelligence by explaining how it works.  But the whole concept got me thinking.  By this time next year, I'll have something to look back on from every single day in 2010.  But what do I have from 2009?  Then I remembered this little thing called a blog, in which I am writing this very moment.  So I went back and read all my posts from 2009, and here's what I found.

January

Not much of anything.  No posts.  I remember being jobless and struggling with bills, so I can understand why I didn't blog.

February

I started working for Kaplan, founded Empty Canvas Studios, and began to fight my demons more seriously and aggressively than ever before.  Glennda and I went to a comedy club for our 1-year anniversary.  Things definitely started looking up.

March

I only posted once in March, and it was about a couple of events that ultimately served to strengthen my faith, which was exactly what I was needing.

May

No posts in April either, but May's posts are full of deep reflection on life and the things I've learned.  I talked about the importance of knowing how to fall.

July

Nothing in June.  But July has more heavy schtuff.  I found a new way to study the bible, and I learned that the key to winning my wife's trust is finishing what I start.

August

I delved into more Eastern philosophies.  It was incredibly stimulating trying to figure out how it all weighs against biblical teachings.  I took meditation to a whole new level.

September

We saw the movie 9, which once again awoke the philosopher in me.  Although I saw it again last week and I'm not sure if my initial take was completely accurate.

October

We started Financial Peace University, which radically changed the way we looked at our finances, and ultimately our future.  We took a second look at our plan and made some major changes.  We feel like we're more on track now.  Go team.

November

I began to really focus on learning what it means to be humble.  I resolved to speak less and seek wisdom often.

December

My December posts consist of introspective review and nostalgic sentiment.  I don't remember looking back with a "year in review" mindset, but I guess that attitude was present nonetheless.

...

I've never been much for New Years resolutions.  The wife and I decided at the beginning of 2009 that we would spend the year working toward acquiring a cash car and a $1000 emergency fund.  And about eight months in, we had both.  This year, my focus will be less monetary.  I learned a lot this past year, so this year I will seek to apply them.

I will remember how to fall.  I will finish what I start - especially the things I started in February.  I will meditate on the Lord.  I will continue to manage our finances wisely.  I will speak less and listen more.  I will pursue wisdom.

I've heard it said that the mind is like a parachute: it doesn't matter what you fill it with, so long as it's open at the right time.

So will I make a New Years resolution?  No.  But my goal is that by this time next year, I will be able to look back not only on what I learned this year, but more importantly, what I did about it.  Also, 365 pictures that I took with my phone.

-R.

Another Life

If you think about it, it's like a conversation. You're just waiting for your turn to talk - or in my case, looking for the right words.

You ask her the question. Maybe then you'll notice the music. See, it's the music that really speaks to you...that tells you what to do. All you have to do is listen.

Maybe you won't remember which song was playing, or even what you were wearing. You'll only be left with the dance. One moment of passion that will last long after the music is over.

That's what swing dancing was to me. In a past life, I ran with the best. I would be found in jam circles with the likes of Don West, Jerry and Kathy Warwick, Elaine Hewlett. I was in the front line during the shim sham, back when the Frankie Manning version was all anyone knew. I was in a professional performance team called ACME, and we danced to live bands in front of 3,000 people. Once I even did a standing back flip in the middle of a Charelston solo, center stage.

...but it was never about any of that for me. It was about showing up to the swing clubs downtown unannounced and unnoticed, and dancing in the corner with my beautiful and amazing partner, who is now my wife. It was about being invisible while making her look the best of all the girls on the floor.

But that was another life. I find that I cherish memories more easily when they're written down. I guess it's just nice to open the window every now and then, even if just for that quick glance out into the 'remember when's.

-R.

Nothing like modern vintage art.

As a loyal follower of all things Nintendo (especially Mario), I feel morally obligated to share this drawing, entitled Mario's Closet:

Artist Glen Brogan's whimsical take on our favorite Italian plumber's morning ritual. "I wanted to include as many of his power-ups as possible, but the main rule I had to follow was that I couldn't include things that actually transform Mario himself rather that just changing his wardrobe, like the Boo mushroom from Mario Galaxy" -digg

Also, I want that underwear.

Pieces of my Brain. Nom Nom Nom.

If my brain were a website, this post would be the site map.

SLEEPING
Recently I've had a  tendency to wake up in the wee hours of the morning spouting random yet relatively profound statements, such as "Monopoly's biggest flaw is that it operates on an inadequate representation of the current cashflow system utilized in our modern economy, through the elimination of certain key elements such as debt and interest...ZZzzz."

WRITING
I've been trying to make reality out of an idea I've been chewing on lately...it's a novelette--a bite-sized piece of literary indulgence, if you will.  In short it's my re-imagining of a classic and well-known tale about an Italian plumber's adventures battling a giant angry turtle-esque creature.

READING
Now that I'm temporarily done with school and have earned some semblance of a degree, I intend to spend the following semester catching up on some non-mandatory reading.  I have a list of books, but I just need to put myself on a schedule to make sure they all actually get read in time.

DRAWING
I need to draw more to keep myself from getting too rusty before art school starts in August.  When I have an intention to draw something specific, I'm never satisfied with the result; however, when I'm just sketching whimsically while half paying attention to something else (usually someone talking at me), the stuff that comes out is decent.

PAINTING
I started painting something about a month ago, but I quit because it looked like butt.  Not a butt, just...butt-tastic.  Y'know what I mean?  Anyway, I've had some ideas of what to do to salvage it, but I just can't seem to make the time to get my butt out there and paint it.  But I am getting tired of looking at its butt-ness, so I need to just do it.

CHRISTIAN-ING
My faith has definitely gone through its share of challenges this year.  I've been very open to a lot of new ideas, and it has been a spiritual workout comparing everything to what I know about God and the bible.  Especially when it's comparing the bible to the bible, which is a lot more intellectually demanding than it sounds.  I've got some short- and long-term goals about what I'm going to do to cultivate my faith this coming year, rather than just maintain it.

MUSIC-ING
This "-ing" thing is going downhill fast.  I am still teaching guitar on Saturdays, and I'm still making 40 bucks an hour for it.  It's good to have a weekly refresher to remind myself that I'm actually a guitarist.  However, as of late, my time at the store has been spent either teaching guitar, or teaching myself how to play the songs from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on piano.  I can do all of the first episode, which is apparently only impressive to Whedonites.

BLOGGING
I'm always thinking of things to write, and over time I've developed quite a filter.  Most of the things I think of are not things I can imagine anyone else being interested in.  I write those too, I just don't publish them.  I try to blog often, to give my racing brain an outlet, and always write as if I'm some kind of columnist who gets paid for it.  But I always wonder if my posts are as interesting to others as they are to me.

WORKING
My work situation is fluid.  I say that because it's always changing.  And because it would look cool in a lava lamp.  For better or for worse, it will be changing again at the end of May, provided all goes as planned.  We're about to make a big life change, and I really hope and pray that my work situation will be solid throughout the process.

PLAYING
I know that I get addicted to video games very easily.  Instead of trying to exercise self control (psh), my wife and I have agreed that whenever I buy a game that I know will suck me in, I am allowed to be addicted to it for a month, and then it must be shelved, only to be played infrequently and casually.  But knowing that I will be cut off in a month makes the gameplay period that much more intense, because I have to beat the entire game in a month or else I will die.

TALKING
I've realized that I talk a lot.  And I have a lot of opinions on things that don't matter.  I find that those two facts converge and create the reality in which I live every single day: I speak my mind on every topic I have the least bit of knowledge about.  One of those things is grammar, which is why the previous sentence is killing me.  But I find that I learn so much more when I listen and let others speak.

LISTENING
My taste in music is changing rapidly.  Recently I created a Pandora station based on Regina Spektor, Imogen Heap, Kate Micucci, and the band She & Him.  Somehow the station miraculously changed its name to "Chick Songs for Dudes."  I'm okay with that.  I also have a mix based on Explosions in the Sky, The Postal Service, and Playradioplay.  I had no idea who any of those artists were a year ago, and I will probably be listening to something entirely different another year from now.

That's all for now.

And then there were three.

When faced with criticism, whether constructive or destructive, people of the blogging persuasion inevitably tend to incline themselves toward a post full of negative comments pointed at either themselves those those who offered the criticism. They ask rhetorical questions that generally revolve around the word "why," and feel the need to defend themselves.

I usually try to keep this blog up-beat, so I'm going to keep things positive. The purpose of this post is more along the lines of getting my thoughts down, so that I can later organize them into some kind of plan for improvement. Any insights from the outside world would be greatly appreciated.

A GOOD Work Ethic.

I used to define a good work ethic as the ability to always work hard and do your best. I have that ability, yet my work ethic needs improving. One of the things I learned about myself at my last job was that I work hardest and seek to produce the best work when I have an immediate goal or reward. In the case of RMCN, there were 3 people in my position, and only one promotion available. We all knew that in one month's time, one of us was getting a promotion and the raise that came with it. Well, I got the promotion. But the interesting thing is, looking back, that that was my best month the entire time I worked there. And it's because as soon as I was promoted, I was pretty much at the top of the ladder I was on. It was a 6-year-young company, so there wasn't really much room for "jumping ladders." I began to slack and my production went out the window.

All this to say, I have the ability to work really really hard and produce really really good results, but I only seem to do it when there's a carrot dangling in front of my face. Thus, I'm at the point where a good work ethic is not only the ability, but the desire to always work hard and produce great work. One who doesn't need a pat on the back or a reward around the corner. One who endeavors to put his best foot forward 110% of the time regardless of whether anyone even notices or not. This is pretty much the opposite of me. So if I don't have a good work ethic, but it's not terrible either, what kind of work ethic do I have?

A Natural Work Ethic.

I mean to say that my work ethic shares certain properties with nature. It follows some of the same rules, such as the laws of energy conservation and the path of least resistance. A windmill won't work unless there's wind to spin it. In the same way, I won't work (hard) unless there's something I want within my reach, that I might obtain through said work. It's not that I refuse; it's just that it stops occurring to me to go above and beyond. Once I get to a point where I'm not working toward something, I literally start forgetting steps in the process and generate a habitual apathy toward my duties.

This is not good.

I've begun to look at people who are notorious for their work ethic. Anywhere from Abe Lincoln to Charles Schwab to Will Smith (yes, seriously), even to a close friend of mine who always amazes me with how hard he works all the time, even when it's just mowing lawns. What they all have in common is that they had to learn it. They all were taught it by someone who had it.

I call my work ethic "natural" because it's what comes naturally to me. I am working actively to become a better painter, a better husband, a better friend. But it's never occurred to me to grow myself in the area of work ethic. They always say to surround yourself with people who are what you want to become. Maybe that's the answer. Or maybe it's just that I need to study up on how to be self-motivated, because all this rambling is really centered around just that: motivation.

I work hard when I'm motivated, and I don't when I'm not. Here are the main things that motivate me:

- Promotions (which ironically involve more work) and raises and pats on the back. These are all grouped into one point because they all pertain to work and usually come as a package deal.

- Learning. But this only applies to things I want to learn. For example, I'm willing to spend 9.99 on an iPhone app that teaches Japanese. I'm not willing to spend 5 minutes taking a quiz on the company I work for (except for when it's assigned). I'm motivated to do something if it involves learning something I'm interested in learning.

- Creative Outlet. I am motivated to do things if they provide an opportunity for me to create something. RMCN inadvertently did this for me, and it's one of the few things I liked about working there. All the pictures on that site are of my desk at that job.

- My Wife. I've saved the best for last. My wife can pretty much motivate me to do anything. 'Nuff said.

So what I ultimately need to do in order to grow a work ethic is just that: grow. My boss reminded me of three things today that I didn't do. It's not that I forgot that they needed to be done, I just forgot to do them...if that makes sense. I need to figure out A) how to stay motivated when there is no immediate monetary reward for hard work, and B) how to remember things I need to remember, rather than those which I just want to remember.

So now it's wisdom, humility, and work ethic.

-Ryan

Oh really now?

A young, naive fictional girl once said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet." With this in mind, I noticed a rose sitting on the desk of one of my co-workers the other day. I decided to test this theory by starting a conversation with "I see you're growing an intestinous stenchweed on your desk." Thereafter, she refused to sniff it - even when I stuck it in her face and asked nicely!! It only took one disturbed co-worker for me to ultimately deduce that names bear great meaning, and little Juliet had no idea what she was talking about. Who wrote her lines, anyway?

Therefore, after contemplating long and hard on the matter, I've decided to name my first son Garrison Keylor Bayron. Only a name like that would strike both terror and utter confusion into the hearts and souls of his peers, for his entire life. Oh, and by "son," I actually mean "imaginary pet rat." Mostly because an imaginary pet rat is most probably the highest form of life (imaginary or not) upon which my loving wife would actually let me bestow such a God-awful name. I mean, there are some names that when you hear them, the only thing that comes to your mind is a picture of this guy...

...and the smell of stale popcorn. I just realized that I've been aimlessly typing for the last 15 minutes for absolutely no reason. It's amazing, the things that come out when you just sit down word-vomit every now and again. I'm pretty sure I have work to do. Or something.

Like Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Man, life sure does have a way of kicking your butt sometimes.

I've been trying to learn to seek wisdom and understanding, and to be humble in my day-to-day life. I woke up one morning at 4:30 out of a dead sleep, and for some reason the only thing on my mind was this:

If knowledge is power and power corrupts, then one should seek wisdom in its stead.

The following day, all I could think about was how arrogant I become when I stumble upon knowledge. Once I have a reason to believe that I know something that someone else doesn't, I kick into this "I'm better than them" mode. It changes my world view and I hold it over people's heads that I think my perception of reality is more educated and developed than theirs.

That's really really stupid.

The funny thing is that the more I know, the more I talk. And the less I talk, the wiser I become. Proverbs 10:19 says "When words are many, sin is not absent; but he who holds his tongue is wise."

So there you have it. This is what's on my plate at the moment. Just had to write that down.

That Just Happened! Vol. #2

They almost always start out with this sentence: "I read this verse in the Bible..."

Then, they'll talk a little about their history of wavering faith or spiritual skepticism. After that, they tell you about that one time...

That one time.

That one time they took a chance and did what scared them the most. That one time they had no other choice but to dive in headfirst.

Well, that's not my story. At least, it doesn't start that way. I've always had faith that God would do what he said he'd do. Whether or not I hold up my end of the bargain, he's faithful. What I won't let go of is my sin. My bad habits. My reputation. What my wife has a hard time giving up? Money.

The verse was Malachi 3:10. Bring the whole tithe (tenth) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. "Test Me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it."

What? The Lord of lords who killed people in the Old Testament for questioning him, inviting you to test his Word? Whaaaaat?

So we did.

Like I said, I never had a problem tithing. If someone told me "you give me $20 and next week I'll give you $200. Then you give me $200, and the following week I'll give you $2000," it wouldn't be very hard for me to toss him twenty bucks and wait a week. That's not exactly what God says here, but it's the same concept: you give me money (or as God puts it in verse 9, "stop robbing me"), and I'll bless you for it.

My wife is the one who would ask "how can I trust that you'll bless me? I need this $20 or I'll die..."

...which makes it all the more significant that she gives anyway.

I'll say that again: She's scared to tithe - it scares her to death - but she gives it up anyway.

Wow. I wish I had that kind of faith. I wish I could stare my fear in the face and actively and willingly give it to God. You wanna see a wife who follows her husband even when she's unsure of where he's leading her? Look no further than her.

But here's the fun part.

God always seems to do things in three's when he wants my attention. We've been tithing consistently for three weeks now. This past Monday, I was at work and wanted a Dr. Pepper from the vending machine to go with my Hot Pocket. I got there and realized that my wallet was empty. I turned around to leave, accepting the reality that there would be no DP for me that day, and lo and behold, a crisp, unfolded (I'm talkin' mint condition) 1-dollar bill sat there on the floor in front of me, lying in the path I walked when I entered the room, just looking at me like those bills in the Geico commercials. I got my drink.

Then today, I remembered to bring a dollar, so when I went to get my soda, the mechanism inside the machine rumbled and tumbled for about 20 seconds, then stopped. Nothing came out. I turned to leave once again, and this time I was by the door when I heard the "klunk." Then a pause, and another "klunk." Two bottles for a dollar. I know it's not uncommon for drink machines to spit out two at a time, but think about it:

In a 3-day period, I got 3 sodas for a dollar, after tithing faithfully for 3 weeks in a row.

Now Ryan, that's really neat and all, but if tithing is easy for you and hard for your wife, shouldn't she have been the one who was blessed through the tithing?

Well, if God operated on the basis of complete and total 100% mathematical fairness, I suppose that would be a safe assumption. But he doesn't. Besides, Glennda got a promotion.

Not just a "promotion" promotion, either. Our income bumped up by 16%.

In the end, after crunching the numbers, it turns out that when we (my wife and I) give God ten percent of our income, he'll give us sixteen back. And a couple sodas to top it off.

So that's our story. It all started with us reading a verse. We'd always taken it for granted in the past, but this time - this one time - we decided to bite the bullet and write the check. And God came through. Now, the verse says he'll bless us so much that we won't have room for it. If that's the case, then that just means he isn't finished yet. And you can bet we'll be tithing every week until he is. Or 'til we die. Whichever comes first.

Up next, Proverbs 21:20.

You won't read this in any other review.

9. Two stories, wrapped into one. They both compliment and contradict each other, showing both sides of a coin, yet having enough in common to tie them together into one cohesive picture. This movie does nothing special with the animation or the acting. The story is cookie-cutter and predictable. It's short and to the point, but what is that point? I can think of no reason to make such a mediocre movie other than to send a message or portray a world view.

Story 1: Mankind creates God. The Machine is their object of worship. It is their usher into the future, and they cannot control it. Everyone with power tries to fit it into their mold and make it what they want it to be, and it destroys them. Nothing but destruction results from their desire for power and control, and their "god" makes sure of it.

Story 2: God creates Mankind. The loving, benevolent scientist creates 9 life forms, and dies so that they might live. He breathes his own life into them, and charges them with the salvation of the world. Sound familiar? Here, mankind is searching for their creator. They are searching for the answers to the "Big Questions" that every philosopher is familiar with: "Who are we, Where did we come from, and Where are we going?" So in both stories, we have God and we have man.

In one case, God creates creatures in his own image, and everything it touches reeks with malice. The protagonists spend their lives trying to destroy it, reasoning that the world would be a better place without it. This is a picture of the relationship between God and the unsaved world. They acknowledge him, but they hate him.

In the second case, God creates creatures in his own image, and here's where another separation is revealed: One is fearful and cowardly. Two, Three and Four seek knowledge and understanding. Five knows to do good but isn't sure how. Six sees the full picture, but is disregarded as a lunatic. Seven is bold and willing to fight all that challenge her. Eight is big and dumb, following orders and hitting really really hard. Then you have Nine, who is the summary of all of these. He is the balance between the rest. This goes to show that even a good God will give his creation freedom to become what they will.

But all this is just to set the stage. At the end of the movie, there are two significant elements which we are left to ponder: Both Gods are dead. The Scientist died to preserve life, and the Machine died trying to take it away. But in the end, we are still faced with a world without God. The second point to note here is that only three human traits are represented in the survivors: courage, balance, and the pursuit of wisdom. All the other archetypes represent the exact same mentalities found in the people who created the Machine and destroyed the world.

So, in the last scene, we are left what appears to be the true model for humanity living in a world without God, and the quote "It's our world now; it is what we make of it."

And herein lies the purest form of true existentialism in its entirety.