Facebook Fridays: Look But Don't Touch

Whenever I buy something from a vending machine, I always go through a moment of slight panic, where I am convinced that my snack is going to get stuck and I'm going to starve to death.  I've been using the vending machine a lot at work lately, and thus I've been panicking at least once a day.  It's worth it when I get my Cheeto's.  I wish I could grow a Cheeto tree.

Humility vs. Hatred

My sister was recently in a theatrical production of the musical, "Titanic." Among the other cast members was a particular young man whom I've spent the past few years strongly disliking.  For stupid reasons.  Reasons so stupid that I would've felt ridiculous explaining them to people.  Of course, I was able to make my loathing more dramatic and mysterious by stoically saying "I don't talk about him" when people asked me about it.  Well, I recently realized that I can't move forward in life until I let go of what's behind me.

So I went up to the guy after the show and made an effort to sincerely congratulate him and tell him he did a great job.  Because he really did. The feeling of letting go and putting myself in a vulnerable position was truly infuriating.  But the feeling of freedom after the act was well worth it.  So worth it, in fact, that I went back to Mamma Raine's house that night and had a heart-to-heart with another guy I didn't particularly care for.  The conversation wound up being very deep and meaningful, and at the end I asked forgiveness for writing him off before getting to know him.

I don't ask forgiveness.  There's a reason that humility is my biggest struggle.

But, learning humility is the task at hand - I've known that for a long time.  Only this week I acted on it...and it is truly a liberating feeling, being able to be in the presence of these people and not dwell on the reasons I hate them.  Because really, I don't hate them anymore.

Looking vs. Living

A friend of mine recently posted approximately four billion photos from her/our childhood.  I say 'our' because I've known her since she was like 4.  Nostalgia and sentimentality are a dangerous combination for me, because I don't just look at the photos - I relive the experiences captured therein.  When I hear certain songs, they send my thoughts to certain places.  Good Riddance by Green Day will always remind me of Richard Raine.  Regina Spektor's On the Radio will always make me think of my awesome desk from the place I worked when I discovered that song.  Ahh, mail clip robots and staple stacks...those were the days.

Well, when Champagne Supernova by Oasis comes on the radio, expect me to get lost in a daze, reminiscing about my childhood days when doing nothing was the order of the day.  It's never good to live in the past because you miss out on the present and the future hits you like a ton of bricks.  But at the same time, life is like climbing a mountain: most of your attention is in the present, on the current task in front of you; you look upwards every so often to continue planning the route you'll take to get to the top; but you'll never be able to gauge how far you've come until you look back down at where you started.

And that's when you say "whoa, we're really high."

I didn't realize it until just now, but it looks like I've spent the past week subconsciously pondering the idea of moving forward in life.  And it also looks like I've stumbled upon the idea that I have to let go of everything in my past that I've been holding onto, but at the same time I need to remember enough to learn from it.  It's kind of like a "look but don't touch" kinda thing.  I think that will be my new motto for when my actions are motivated by sentiments and values that I once held dear.  From now on, I'm allowed to look at the past but not live in it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...

I finally got rid of my massive and extravagant bottle collection.

I know, right??

This is all for now.
-R.