In the Now: Semi-Interesting and Slightly Amusing

I haven't written in forever, so I feel like I should. The problem is, nothing's coming to my mind to write about.

I picked my brain just now, but the only thing that came up was how annoying I think it is that the E-surance chick is so frikking hot. She's a cartoon. It's just not right. But I guess it's not too abnormal to find a cartoon attractive, since every male over 20 years of age knows he's lusted after Jessica Rabbit at least once.

Speaking of Jessica Rabbit, I found a blog where this dude takes animated notables and uses Adobe Photoshop to manipulate and combine elements from celebrity and model photographs to recreate the toons in such a way as to portray "what they would look like if they were real."

Yeah. It's pretty freaky.

There is a graphic novel series called Flight. There are 5 isses and I want them all. Basically they are compilations of animated short stories that speak through their art more than anything. It's an amazing series to be sought out by casual readers and collectors alike. You should check it out. And then buy the books.

Ok, we're kind of on a roll now...the gears are turning, the fingers are typing...we might actually get somewhere with this post after all.

WARNING:
The rest of this blog post contains material of substance and you might have to put some of your brain cells to work, should you choose to continue. You have been warned.

I got a promotion. Instead of processing the work that the researchers send me, I'm now among the researchers that send work for the processors to do. I'm no longer on the bottom rung of the research/processing food chain. I don't think I've been this happy with my job since I coached gymnastics under Greg Schram. Those were the days.

We've moved from a throw-all-our-bills-in-a-stack-on-the-desk system to a file-them-away-in-a-3-ring-binder system. I've been making some changes in the way we budget, and am in the middle of writing a program that will import bank statements from .html, .xml, or .rtf files into an interactive spreadsheet which will log all of our previous deposits and expendatures, calculate our balances and project future spending based on our previous spending patterns, alerting us of changes we will need to make in order to achieve the most efficient debt/income ratio and build maximum savings. On the side, it will have a calculator in which you input your hours from a printed time sheet and, based on your hourly wage and income tax, it will give you the exact amount you can expect to receive in your next paycheck - to the cent. Suffice to say, we are turning over a new leaf in the financial planning slice of the priority pie chart of our lives.

I've realized that I am not a teacher. I just don't have the gift. What I teach on guitar, you can't really just pick up a book and learn in a week. In fact I haven't yet found a guitar book anywhere that uses my approach about how to learn guitar. But, it's really something that, if I walk you through it for a month or two and you practice the whole time, you'll be amazing and I will have nothing left to teach you and you won't need me anymore. So instead of teaching private lessons, I think I'm going to finally finish a project I start and write my own "how to learn how to play guitar" curriculum. Then, I can pitch it as a course to music stores and high schools and do a two-month structured weekly summer class every year and feel like I'm actually getting somewhere in teaching guitar, rather than wasting other peoples' time and money showing them how to do things they can look up on the internet for free.

If you're still reading this and you're not me, then you're either entirely too interested in my life or just ridiculously bored. Either way, I would advise you turn on your TV and watch the rest of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" because it's probably playing right now on one of the 9 channels you receive on the hand-me-down "bunny-ears" TV antenna you got from your dad when he upgraded to HD. Yeah. I'm reading your blog too.

"My Walk Home"

On my walk home...

...I fell into a lake.
...I ran a marathon.
...I got eaten by a giant tree.
...I lived in a huge house with an extravagant garden.
...I sat on an old rusty chair in my garden and drank homemade lemonade.
...I splashed in a fountain.
...I got hit by a car.
...I fed a homeless man the rest of my lunch that I didn't eat today.
...I carved a rose out of a tree stump.
...I heard silence.
...I had a conversation with a weeping willow.
...I adopted a puppy as a surprise for my wife.
...I stopped by an old beat up baptist church and had a two-hour theological conversation with a portly minister wearing an expensive tie and cheap cologne.
...I sang.
...I rescued a shopping cart from a flooded creek.
...I learned how to fly.
...I rode on the back of a giant armadillidiidae.
...I died.
...I lived.
...I ate gushers.

Oh the thinks you can think.

How true it is, Mr. Seuss, how true indeed.

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...wait. I actually did eat gushers.

My Mix Can Beat Up Your Mix

.....Do You Remember....-....The Summer Obsession
Soundtrack to Your Life....-....Ashley Parker Angel...... .
Written at a Rest Stop....-....Ronnie Day.................
Beat Mamma....-....Cast...............
In The Summertime....-....Thirsty Merc............
........Thunder....-....Boys Like Girls
......Fall Behind....-....Moses Mayfield

Slipping Under....-....William Tell.... .
...............Why Cry....-....The Panic Channel

You know what to do...It will make your day more better.

For those of you who find yourselves laughing out loud at the thoughts in your head.

I've met people named John-Paul, but why not Lennon-McCartney?

Or what about Frehley Simmons? Or Walsh Henley?

OH oh I've got it: Tyler Perry. Wait...that one's taken.


[ r i m s h o t ]

Copycat, or Common Ancestor?

I've noticed a trend....Observate.

.............Disney............Dreamworks SKG

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A Bug's Life (1998)............Antz (1998)..............

Finding Nemo (2003)............Shark Tale (2004).........

..The Wild (2006)............Madagascar (2005)

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In addition, Dreamworks Animation SKG has a movie in the works called Monsters Vs. Aliens which is centered around, you guessed it, a california girl who comes in contact with several monsters including a large, ape-like Missing Link and a short, one-eyed B.O.B. Sound like any animated Disney movies you've seen?

People I've talked to about this say that one company is copying the other, much like Leigh Scott copies every movie that makes money and ruins it and would probably be upside-down on net returns if he didn't have such a low budget to begin with. Stupidface. Wait, what was I talking about again?

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But seriously, people are so quick to point the finger and I was too at first, but while partaking in a casual debate among friends about Darwinian evolution versus intelligent design, it struck me that these movies might not be the result of idea theft, but rather a common creator.

I've done some research and here's what I've found:

• The musical director for Dreamworks Animation SKG (Karey Kirkpatrick) got his start professionally writing musical scores as an intern at Disney Animation Studios in 1987.
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• Bonnie Arnold, producer of Dreamworks' Over the Hedge, was originally recruited by Disney back in '91 to do live action. The job that moved him up from associate producer to producer producer was none other than Disney and Pixar's Toy Story in 1995.
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• Cecil Kramer, visual effects producer for Dreamworks' Flushed Away, did the exact same job at Disney Imagineering and Buena Vista Films prior to moving to Dreamworks.
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• The story artist for Dreamworks' The Prince of Egypt, animation college drop-out David Bowers, worked on Disney's Who Framed Roger Rabbit (which happens to be a collaborative project between Disney Studios and Amblin Entertainment) back in 1988, then moved to Speilberg's Amblimation. After hopping back and forth between a few more projects, he landed at Dreamworks to storyboard Dreamworks' first animated feature film, The Prince of Egypt.

Other findings:

• A little less than a month ago, Dreamworks Animation turned the title "Head of Development" over to one Alex Schwartz. I'm currently investigating the backstory on Mr. Schwartz, but it might take some time since I left my FBI starter kit at home.
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• The SKG found on the bottom of Dreamworks' logo stands for Speilberg, Katzenberg and Geffen, the founding fathers of the company.
  
  - Steven Speilberg worked with Disney Studios on the infamous Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
  
  - Jeffrey Katzenberg worked for Disney up until 1994, when he left due to a spat with Michael Eisner, CEO of Disney.
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• The broadcast rights to many of Dreamworks' films belong to ABC. Interestingly enough, ABC has been owned by Disney since 1995.

This is all well and good, but it doesn't truly prove anything. It does, however, show the undeniable link between Disney and Dreamworks. The findings above are but a fraction of a myriad of similar discoveries linking Dreamworks employees to previous Disney projects. It is true that Dreamworks only exists because of Disney, but as per the original question, it's hard to say.

There is definitely some communication between the two, but the question is, at what level?

My hypothesis: During the next 10 years, Disney will slowly begin to creep into Dreamworks' territory - starting by sitting down over a cup of tea and settling the dispute over the shared rights to the Roger Rabbit franchise - and will eventually eat the company alive for upwards of ten million dollars. Let's sit back and see what happens.

Interesting...veeeeery interesting.

The Infamous Time-Killing Countdown

10 Most Interesting Things I've Learned from Working at the Blockbuster Distribution Center:

TEN
There are two genres of black people movies: gun-slingin' gangsta movies, and Tyler Perry comedies.

NINE
Each decade that passes is an automatic excuse to re-release an old movie in a special "10th Anniversary Edition" cover for twice what it's worth.

EIGHT
Someone out there actually thinks Paris Hilton is hot, because she keeps showing up on the covers of movies that shouldn't even exist. And she's always wearing a miniskirt even though she looks like a blonde skeleton with a camel face. People, really?

SEVEN
The chicks in the poster for Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Move Film for Theaters actually are hot. Too bad they're probably nowhere in the actual movie. And they're just paintings.

SIX
Lord of the Rings and Halo both take themselves way too seriously. What the heck am I supposed to do with an 8-inch replica of Gollum sitting on a rock with a fish or a "life-sized" Master Cheif helmet?

FIVE
Anything put out by production company The Asylum is a 90-something minute stupidfest full of knock-off plot lines and crappy acting, with titles and cover art intentionally designed to make you confuse it for a popular best-selling box office hit. Examples include Transmorphers (Transformers), Monster (Cloverfield), and my personal favorite, AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (duh).

FOUR
It really is possible to trace any actor to Kevin Bacon through six degrees or less.

TREE
50-Cent's real name is Curtis Jackson. Apparently it's also impossible for him to say the word "the."

TWO
The cover of the Beatles' album Abbey Road depicts Paul - not John - walking barefoot. Interestingly enough, Paul is also the only one with his right foot forward, and he's the only one smoking. And the only one named Paul.

ONE
...And the #1 most interesting DC finding: Contrary to popular belief, Steamboat Willie is not an earlier form of Mickey Mouse, but rather a character he played in one of his first cartoons. It was the first Mickey Mouse cartoon with sound, and consequently the cartoon that single-handedly sky-rocketed the little guy's filmmaking career to super-stardom.

flippin' sweet.

The Scoop

IN SICKNESS...

I'm sick. I woke up dizzy this morning and I haven't been able to shake it all day. I tried sleeping it off but all that gave me was a weird dream where the American Idol contestants competed by playing arena football instead of singing, and they were given lodging in emptied out clothing stores in a mall--equipped, of course, with Real World-esque hidden cameras and confessional booths in the dressing rooms. It was strange, yes, but I would gladly watch a whole season of American Mall-Abiding Arena Football Idol if it meant the room would stop spinning. Work will be interesting tomorrow...

IN HEALTH...

My cat is getting better. He has kidney failure, but the vet says he'll live as long as he would have otherwise, provided we stick him with a syringe full of electrolytes twice a day. So it's like he has diabetes...only he's not peeing everywhere. I'm starting to understand why people say they have nine lives - we were sure he was a goner.

FOR BETTER...

The Game. The game the game the game. Ideas are flowing like dia--well...they're flowing. I've got tons of ideas written down on napkins, left-over wedding programs, and other scraps deemed otherwise useless...I just have no time to fully develop them or get them coded. So the game is all in my head at this point, and hopefully when I get a job with better hours, I can devote a portion of every week to keeping the game ball rolling. And yes, I think I'm going to start a different blog specifically for the RPG Adventure Game Project.

FOR WORSE...

Well I have to be at work in five hours so I'm gonna call it a night. Just wanted to update - haven't done that in a while.

The RPG Adventure Project

This is the story of a Dot. He wasn't always a dot though, he was born as a square. A little red square on a little mission. Namely, a mission to collect a bunch of smaller white squares. He would weave his way through walls (brown squares) and water (blue squares). He would push yellow boxes (yellow squares) and avoid pits (gray squares).

A very square world, created by a very square 11-year-old programmer.

Then, two years and seven levels later, the square transformed into a Dot. A little red dot on a slightly less little mission. The walls gained depth, the little white collectibles gained shading (and a rounded figure), and the Dot gained eyes.

He was an imitation Pac-Man living in a off-brand Chip's Challenge world.

A slightly more lively world, upgraded by a slightly more lively 13-year-old programmer.

Seven years passed, and the Dot was beginning to think its creator had abandoned it. But then, something inspired that creator to jump back in the saddle and finish what he had started. In a flash, algorithms flew onto the scene, merging the wall squares into one long continuous brown strip of beautifulness.

The Dot was named "Big Red" and became animated and had captions to narrate its every move!

And to frost this mountainous Cake of Comeback, Big Red received an inventory with which to fill with various level-solving items, and...a small orange fireproof friend: Lil' O

Lil' O had the ability to swim in molten lava without being burned - in fact, he could resurface as a ball of fire and melt certain frozen obstacles!

Together, this discoid duo would dominate the world of dots!

But the plot thickens even...thicker-er. Though he beheld the finished product of his nine-year endeavor at game-making, the creator was rather unimpressed. He had inspired himself to test his abilities as a programmer and push the limits of his game-making skills to the edge. He wanted to put these loveable globules in an adventure of their own, outside of their labyrinthical confines.

He went online and unearthed the secrets of sprite-masking and array-building and back-buffering and Bit-Blitting. He spent hours in Photoshop creating grass and trees and rocks and dirt roads and treasure chests and cliffs and caves and best of all, this was just the beginning.

He hit the drawing board, and he hit it hard, designing villages and towns and cities and forests and and entire world for these round rollers to explore.

And that brings us to today. You are now officially caught up

in the history of the program tentatively named "RPG Adventure Game Project."

I will post my progress in this blog as it happens. If this thing actually manages to stay alive for more than a few months, I just might make a separate blog solely dedicated to the logging of this challenging yet exciting adventure.

18 DAYS!

Dreams, Death and Donuts

Last night I dreamt that I was a man in my mid-thirty's, rugged and set in his ways, with a thick-skin and a rogue attitude from one too many rough patches in his past. I was living in an abandoned barn, quietly avoiding attention from the world. In the dream, I woke up to three siblings, ages 12 to 19 who had run away from home. I began to mentor them and do my best to set them on the right path, knowing full well what the wrong path was and having the experience to tell them where it led.

They learned how I lived - working for my food and fighting for my territory. The months passed and I enjoyed their company, but I knew there would come a time when they would have to go out and face the tragedy that drove them from their home. That day came sooner than I had expected, and I found myself standing outside the barn giving them farewell gifts: my 25-year-old wooden-handled hunting knife to the oldest son, my father's compass watch to the middle son, and a homemade hemp necklace with wooden beads to the youngest daughter. I told them the barn was theirs, threw a bag of survival tools and dried meat over my shoulder, and began to head into the sunset.

Men in suits entered the scene out of nowhere, set the barn on fire and began to beat and interrogate the children, asking where I was. Something was keeping me from being able to rescue them, although by that point I had come to love them as my own children. I knew that the suits were there because of the mistakes in my past, but I was helpless to save my disciple children from the consequences of my own transgressions. I remember crying for the first time in decades and running as far and as fast as I could. My last thought to myself before waking up was that my knives would dull and my meat would go stale, but nothing could ever erase the memory of those childrens' faces as they looked to me for the salvation I could not give.

I was out of breath when I woke up, and my fianceé said I was breathing hard and kicking my legs. I doubt this dream means anything but it has been haunting me all day. Writing these things down always helps lift the burden these types of dreams place on me. Still, I can't help but wonder what's going on in my subconscious to produce a dream like this.

----- IN OTHER NEWS -----

Awana. One of our Cubbies leaders is going on maternity leave, and as such has officially passed on the torch to yours truly. It will be my fianceé and I in the Cubbie room for the remainder of the current Awana season, and my prayer is that I will be able to take most of the load off her shoulders without overbearing myself. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

My parents are in California to visit my mom's dad, as he has been diagnosed with a form of cancer and is not expected to survive. It can't be hard saying goodbye, my prayers are with them. They left today and are scheduled to return Wednesday. In the meantime, it is our job to hold down the fort at home, feed the dog, and visit our cat at the vet who is also dying. Maybe I shouldn't have fed him those Krispy Kremes...

19 DAYS!

The Line Theory

"Who are you?"

Looking into the mirror and asking the question, "who are you?" can prove enlightening if asked in sincerity, and I often find it a bit startling when I discover something about myself I didn't know I didn't know.

For instance, today I discovered that I find myself living under the philosophy that life and memories are defined by experience, and experience is but a sequence of moments. I strive to make the most of these moments, so that at the end of my life, I will be known not as one who changed the world, but rather one who loved those who were hardest to love. I don't do things so that people will remember me, but rather so that they will remember what I stood for.

They say it's the little things in life that matter, but too many people focus on the wrong little things. And the Line Theory is simply this:

We grow from learning to draw straight lines to waiting in lunch lines;

From obsession over tan lines to laying down the pick-up lines;

From meeting the deadlines to reading the headlines.

Pretty soon your lifeline's coming to an end and the only lines you have to show for it are the ones on your forehead that you've earned from years of chasing the wrong dreams--

drawing lines in the sand to be washed away by the tide, a speck on the timeline.

My only dream is that when the ones I love look back on my life, it will be filled with laughter, the smell of everyone's favorite drinks in their hands, and the sound of "I remember when."

Who am I? With every passing day, I find a new way to answer that very question. Thus is the paradoxical whirlpool in which we find ourselves often circling but never sinking: to presume that I am today the same person I was yesterday, or that I will be tomorrow who I am today, is to presume that I'm not growing--not learning. At the end of each day when I face that fateful pane of polished glass, I can honestly say that the man looking back at me is one step closer to wisdom, discernment and understanding than he was twenty-four hours ago.

And that's a good feeling.

Life makes so much more sense when you understand it.